Toun legends: Ronnie Scotland

Ronnie, toun legend, Dunfermline.

“Ronnie Scotland is not his real name.”

“What is it then?”

“Ronnie McDevitt,” I reply, looking up Amazon Books for proof.

In doing so I find this review of Ronnie’s More Than Argentina: The Biography of Ally MacLeod.

The a is an excellent insight into the career and character of an exceptional family man who gave his all to his sport both as a player and a manager. This moving account of one of the biggest personalities the Scottish game has ever seen is a must read!


More Than Argentina: The Biography of Ally MacLeod by Ronnie Scotland, sorry, I mean McDevitt.

“How many books has Ronnie authored, exactly?”

“I don’t know exactly, loads I imagine, and I think they’re all about Scotland.”

A Life in the Tartan Army by Ronnie McDevitt.

If only I had a wee bawbee for every time someone has told me they bumped into Ronnie on every Scotland away trip ever. In my case, I think it’s true.

I’ve not always been so lucky. One time I bumped into Weegie Al aka Alan Huey, the only man on the West Fife Villages Pub Watch blacklist, and I met Billy ‘the chameleon’ George who was wearing full Tartan Army garb. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I was just surprised. I had no idea Billy even liked Scotland. Of course he’s now taken it too far.

Scotland in the Sixties by Ronnie McDevitt.

“So, why is he called Ronnie Scotland?”

“Aye, guid wan, very droll.”

Scotland in the Seventies by Ronnie McDevitt.

Of course, there’s always a wee bit of competition. Who has the bonniest toorie on their glengarry. Best photobombing whilst wearing a glengarry. My pal Bloo aka Paul Ward has an honourable mention in these categories.

Bloo being photobombed with a bright red toorie on his glengarry.

Who has the furriest sporran, the sharpest sgian dubh, and, for me at least, most important of all, the darkest blue (almost black) Scotland fitba’ shirt.

Ronnie’s minder and Ronnie Scotland NOT wearing a dark blue shirt. I hope that yellow thing is a goalie tap.

Of course the real test is TV stardom. Billy managed a 30 second bust on BBC Reporting Scotland. Ronnie managed a 5 minute feature all about himself during Euro ’96.

Ronnie Scotland featuring during Euro ’96.

However, Bloo wins. He had a 10 minute interview on Dutch TV. Don’t say it only counts on British TV. That won’t go down well in this company.

Bloo on the BBC.

Hang on, that looks like Bloo doing a legitimate interview on British TV. We’ll I never.

Losing to Bloo on TV stardom isn’t Ronnie’s only badge of shame. I’ve always suspected him to be a sychophant sooking up to Brazil by saying, “Aw naw, we shouldn’t have annoyed them,” after Dave Narey blootered his famous toepoke past a bunch of hapless Brazilians in the 1982 World Cup Finals. Graeme Souness was as good as Sócrates. Medals on the table: Souness three European Cups, Doctor Sócrates nil.

Sócrates and Graeme Souness, 1982.

I really hope we don’t have that kind of inferiority complex during Euro 2020. What we need is a TwinsTown Scotland song. A true fitba’ anthem, better than Ally’s Army by Andy Cameron, until now our only half-decent Scotland song. It definitely needs to be better than the best England songs, arguably World in Motion by New Order, Three Lions by David Baddiel, Frank Skinner, and The Lightning Seeds, and Fat Les’ Vindaloo.

I know we’re adopting Yes Sir, I Can Boogie by Baccara and Saturday Night by Whigfield, but TwinsTown can do an original track. Dunfermline toun legend Ronnie Scotland can do a John Barnes rap and Bloo can play the bagpipes.

Ronnie Scotland being interviewed by the BBC.

I love to see a happy Tartan Army and I’m sure Ronnie will support me why I say that Ally MacLeod and Jimmy Hill united to abolish the maximum wage. Trade unionists know no borders. Remarkably, Jimmy also revolutionised football with three points for a win.

Jimmy Hill.

Stay alive.


Pass notes: The Duke fae TwinsTown

Name: The Duke aka Harry ‘Jug of Lager’ Dixon.

The Duke.

Are you partial to a jug of lager? No, I’m actually teetotal. My friends are fans of irony.

I see. Was your friend Tony ‘Bomber’ Bellew, the world champion boxer, being ironic when he called me an uncultured swine? I’m afraid not.

Did you encourage the Bomber? Not at all. Tony Bellew is now a erudite boxing commentator. Those are his own choice of words.

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” J. K. Rowling.

With that in mind, choosing TwinsTown seems to be working out for you? The only band I ever wanted to play for. Donald and Stuart made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.

Mo Johnston said that moments before betraying Celtic when Rangers’ Graeme Souness made him an offer…? Yes, but I’m not an uncultured swine.

No, but you are a fan of Dirty Dancing…? Patrick Swayze could FLARE IT!

Nobody puts Harry in the corner, aye? Exactly, although John Barnes said it best: “Express yourself, its one on one. Express yourself, you can’t be wrong, when somethings good it’s never wrong”.

There’s only one way to beat them, get round the back. Catch me if you can
’cause I’m the TwinsTown man and what you’re looking at is the master plan.

Do say: “Flare it!”

Don’t say: “You do realise that your TwinsTown debut album is called Brankholm Brae, not Flare It, don’t you?”