Name: The Darkness aka Mark
As a recent TwinsTown recruit I suppose there’s no point asking if you’re in with the Wingnuts or the Wolves. Here’s a pressing question though; are you Can’t Cook, Won’t Cook or Ready Steady Cook? Now you’re asking… it’s too difficult to decide, I think they’re both as good as each other.
A bit like Donald and Stuart… Aye, exactly.
I suppose that makes Big Daddy our Ainsley Harriott. Listen, as much as I love Big Daddy, he’s no Ainsley Harriott.
Maybe no, but he’s a mean chef. Top choices in Burler’s Diner include; Rump Steak with Peppercorn Sauce, served with skin on fries, and a medley of mangetout and steamed baby corn, or Serrano Ham, with pancetta, broccoli, and butternut linguine with creme fresh. I stand corrected. It sounds like Big Daddy is up there with Ainsley. I’d like to see Billy given 10 minutes and a quickie bag.
Some people might not know what a quickie bag is… Well, on Ready Steady Cook chefs are given a bag full of odd ingredients and they get just 10 minutes to create delicious dishes.
Now you know, Billy is a man of hidden talents. Do you have any hidden talents? I can climb a rope.
I see. Moving on. As a piano man yourself, have you heard Donald tinkling the keys whilst singing Elton John’s Sacrifice? Only very late at night and I was too drunk to remember.
There’s a hidden talent, you’re a diplomat! Aye, sometimes.
I suppose you have a dark side as well, hence the name The Darkness? Oh aye, you don’t want to hear about that.
What, darker than Donald, Stuart, Wayne and Harry? Yes, darker than Big Daddy too.
Oaft! I don’t know about that. Big Daddy is like Christian Bale from American Psycho and The Dark Knight. You’re more Ryan Reynolds from Deadpool and The Voices. Aw aye, The Voices, where he keeps Gemma Arterton’s head in his fridge for company. Aye that’s me! That’s why I’m called The Darkness!
When you put it like that, I guess Ryan Reynolds is darker than Christian Bale. Of course he is…
Do say: “Ready Steady Cook.”
Don’t say: “Did that quickie bag come out of your fridge?”